this is the herbarium.

in the herbarium things are said that when taken out of context sound utterly hilarious.
for example Dr. Johnson said this the other day when reffering to Dr. Welsh's medling in his plants:
"I don't mess with your Astragalus, stay out of my Deliahs!"

oh herbarium. my love for you constantly increases.

this is how it goes.

every woman that has ever been has said to themselves at one point in time or another that they must change in order to be beautiful. it's a fact. it's what keeps the earth on its axis.
i bring this up why you may ask?
because, i am the most insecure person i know.
i like to give off that "hey whatever, like i care what you think" vibe. but vibes are easy to fake.
and so is confidence.

my beautiful, amazing sister recommended a book to me called simply If You Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull up a Chair.
this book is meant to be about how dieting doesn't work. apparently that's a fourth law of physics. every diet has an equal and opposite binge. (which i believe. but if a diet works for you and you are fabulous at it then heck! more power to ya!)
what this book taught me that i never thought before was i am a jerk. a complete and utter jerk. oh no, i'm nice to people i meet on the street, and i always try my best to be there for the people who need me, but i am the biggest jerk ever to myself.

girls i want you to do this for me. please recall the last things you said to yourself whilst looking in the mirror. was it something like "hey there gorgeous, you must be lost. you are way too good to even grace this earth with your presence. fly right up to heaven you angel." i'm gonna bet it wasn't. and i'm also gonna bet it went more like this; "oh my! get thee hence satan! you ugly, gross swamp witch what have you done with the body and face i wanted!?"

now pause. rewind what you said to yourself. and think. would you EVER even consider saying that to ANYONE ELSE? and would you take it if someone else said that to you? i wouldn't. i'd bust a cap on up in here. so why do we take it from ourselves? because if we think it must be true? lying to yourself is one of the easist things to do. and if you don't think you are GORGEOUS then you are a liar.

the mere fact that we are woman, and a creation of our Heavenly Father means that we are beautiful. completely. can you judge which of Monet's paintings was the most beautiful? the most accomplished? and if you say one, will everyone else agree on that same one? beauty, art, these things have always been in the eye of the beholder. you are a master piece that God made. and just because you, or someone else does not see the beauty in that piece of work, does not mean it isn't there. compare a piece of modern art to a classic piece. both are beautiful, and it isn't fair to compare them because they don't seem anything alike. same concept for comparing yourselves with others. when you compare yourselves with others you only see their strengths, matched up against your weaknesses. how fair is that? that is not an accurate comparison.

these things have been floating around in my mind. and as i've pondered them i've made myself some promises. first i printed this out. and promised to abide. then i decided that every morning, as i looked in the mirror and was about to tell myself how ugly, fat, and worthless i am i would instead say to that little voice, "shut it. i am NOT listening to you. i am a beautiful daughter of God whose worth is above the price of rubies. (proverbs 31:10) and i will shine today."

now i've been on my soap box for a good hour, it's time to get off and do some homework. but please remeber, you are beautiful. no matter what. as you come to this realization (not that it's something you realize and the next day you are like, "oh hey i have no insecurities or issues". not at all. it will take time.) but as you come to the realization of who you truely are you will begin to shine. you will radiate that truth and beauty. so go forth you beautiful people, and let your light so shine.

www.operationbeautiful.com

this is an ode.

it's here.
I felt it today as I stepped out of my apartment door. The first wiff of it came to my nostrils as I jay walked across Canyon Rd.
And then.....I stepped on a crunchy leaf.

Fall. The word should be said revrently. With much awe and love.

Winter, don't get me wrong, I love you too. But there is something about fall...

Everything changes. The smells, the weather, the styles, the foods. And it keeps you on your toes because not a one of us can be sure what is around the corner.

Fall is a mystery. A combination of change and beauty. In a world where we don't associate change with anything good, let alone beautiful, Fall is lovely contridiction.

this is a medical emergency.

Attention. Attention please. in a startling epidemic a new disease has began to spread to vast quantites of young adults. (usually in the 18-25 year range.) some have even likened it to a new form of black plague.

This disease is called college. C-O-L-L-E-G-E.

The symptoms of College are:

• brain numbness
• oozing brain traces coming out of ears and nose
• extreme pain in the brainal region
• inability to get normal amounts of sleep. or food.
• complete lack of focus on anything

If you or anyone you know have the symptoms of college i advise you get to a care facitlity immediately. (and by care facility i of course mean any place where you are not asked to think.)

RIP Moby Chubs.

Saturday I had an adventure.

for my bio 100 class we have to do 8 hours of service learning. 8.

there was an opportunity to get all 8 hours in one big field project.

so Saturday morning i got up at 5 freaking a.m. and with a group of 9 other students that i do not know (correction: didn't know) drove for 2 and a half hours to Yellow Creek in Wyoming.

while there we shocked fish, caught them, knocked them out, measured them, marked them, and sent them back to their homey creek. we did this until 6 at night.

the biggest fish was somewhere around 10 cm. big boy eh? sadly this fish died in the process of marking. we kept him. and named him Moby Chubs. he was big, he was a chub (type of fish which he technically wasn't) hence the name.

The importance of this experience and the wisdom i gleaned?

fish can actually be cute. and i can now tell the difference by just looking at them between a red-side shinner, a leather side shinner, a speckled dace, and a mountain sucker. life changing knowledge.

i look SEXY in chest waders. i shall wear them on every first date. chastity suit right there.

in a class where i knew no one, i now have five or more friends who i spent a whole day laughing and joking with.

wyoming can cause sunburns.

schoolio

tomorrow is the first day of school.

i've been going to school since i was 5. i've had quite a few first days. but i still feel the same as i did at 5.

nervous.

excited.

my outfit is all picked out.

nothing really ever changes.

because, i love it.

what do i love you ask? (oh yes, this title actually does lead into my post. amazing.)

i love driving in the dark. alone. cause i do it a special way. cause i'm special. like stop eating the paste special.

when it is dark, and warm, like it is these nights i roll down my windows. due to my lack of AC this isn't just for fun.

i blast my music. loud and proud. and annoying but ya know.

then i proceed to sing at the top of my lungs like i'm in a music video.

you know what i mean. you sing, but you make faces and act it out. like your cool or something.

it makes me happy and relieves my stress of the day. so if you by chance see a purple dodge stratus, wyoming plates, with a crazy singing driver, feel free to give me a honk.